Chapter Thirteen: Part Four
‘You have to understand, Dom and Edison aren’t just Dad’s family, they were his men. He and two of the regiment’s three senior NCOs – non-commissioned officers – went on leave to bring them back. They literally followed their damage trail to track them. Dad was settling all sorts of diplomatic and civil storms the dynamic duo were leaving in their wake. He was their commanding officer and he ordered them to Alegria, keeping them roaring drunk, singing songs and marching them all the way to Uncle’s place. They loved him too much to disobey. They had all jumped into the same fires together.’
Kate smiled, unable to form the mental picture of Dom or Edison drunk, or even slightly out of control.
‘You have the picture, Kate. Dad and Uncle talked the pair of them into doing a sweat. All of the men of Alegria joined them, supporting them both in their recovery. Auntie was alive then, and she made some terrifyingly powerful herbal concoctions. She took Dom, Edison, and Juanita through her express jungle-enlightenment course. Natalie and Madison took care of them too. They had a few very rough and rugged months of healing, but the three of them emerged as the single unit you’ve seen in action ever since.’
‘You are all very lucky to have had such help available.’
‘You are so right. Many snap without the sort of help we had. Veteran suicides are a far bigger problem than any government acknowledges. Most countries report more than double the civilian rate, and in reality, it is way higher than that. That doesn’t even start to account for those who have never worn a uniform, but have fought just the same. Often more so.’
‘Like Juanita?’
‘Yes. Exactly like Juanita.’
‘She trains like you guys. She competes as if her life depends on it. She is not ex-military though, is she?’ Kate asked.
‘Nita went through a different story, but in many ways, it was far more intense for her. We could all lean on our training and conditioning. On Alegria, we discussed the broad strokes of what happened.’ Seeing Kate nod, affirming her memory, he continued. ‘She, JC and Maria, her cousin, are the only ones of her direct blood who survived that bloody three weeks of fighting. Except for her dad and brothers, and the ones who died of the poisoning before the fighting started, everyone else died under her command, half her community and almost all of her family. She did far better than most civilian leaders ever could have; but with or without training, you never get used to losing people. She never even had a chance to see it coming. She is as hard as any soldier I’ve ever trained with, and by all accounts, she fought valiantly and very effectively. She had to go through the same deprogramming as the rest of us did, for the same reasons. Auntie’s concoctions were brutal, but kept them in the right headspace to heal.’
‘I have been trying to not ask but I need to. You’ve killed people, haven’t you?’
‘Kate, except for Nat, Mother and the three of you, every person who was on Alegria’s Big End has been in active combat. We have all been in a situation where it was either us or someone else. It sounds cold, I know it does, but combat at the sharp end boils down to an absurdly simple binary solution – live or die.’
A long pause broke the conversation as Rick gave Kate time to absorb and process all that he'd said. Finally, she turned towards him, looking away from the vista beyond the window. In the soft light, and for a moment before taking a deep breath, she looked like a frightened little girl to him.
‘My dad did four tours. He would never ever talk about it, except with his veteran buddies. I never understood why he couldn’t just talk to me like you are doing now.’
‘Don’t hold that against his memory, Kate. To have shared any of it with you would have been him breaking every combat soldier’s sacred oath, a promise to shield their loved ones from the horror and ugliness they’ve seen. Even if they never said the actual words, or even consciously thought them, that vow is still universal. We end up fighting so that we can keep the ugliness away from our families… it’s the only way a sane mind can rationalise doing what we have to do.’
Rick paused to give Kate time to process what she’d just learned about her father. When she was ready, he said, ‘We – Dom, JC and the rest of us – had amazing assistance from others who had walked the same path. Like your dad, veterans don’t talk about these things because nobody but other vets can understand. Between vets, no explanation is needed, and no explanation is possible to those who haven’t seen it personally. We can’t share that ugliness with people who haven’t seen it for themselves. The term blood brothers has nothing to do with holding cut fingers together. It comes from sharing life and death. Especially when you have served together like Dom, Edison and Dad have. Very literally, each is only alive because they could depend absolutely on the others to cover their back, no matter what. That bond is beyond blood, beyond spiritual. There is no common point of reference to communicate about combat with those who haven’t seen its horror in full colour.’
For a long time, Kate was silent. She went to speak a couple of times, stopping each time. Finally, she looked up at Rick and said, ‘Yet here you are, talking honestly about this stuff with me. I think I understand a little of how much it takes for you to talk to me about it, and I am grateful that you trust me enough to be so open with me.’
‘Kate, I want to hide nothing from you. I would like to say I am perfect, but nobody is, and I am far from it. I am totally captivated and fascinated by you. I want us to get to know each other a lot better. A vital part of that intention is allowing you into me, without reserve, including the bits I don’t really want to share, even with myself.’
The enormity of what Rick had just said hit Kate like an earthquake. ‘How can you know, Rick? Why are you so sure?’
‘I am not sure, but I am strongly optimistic. I have significant flaws. I typically get bored, normally before I finish saying hello. I find most people so immediately predictable and unsurprising that I’ve found no romantic interest at any meaningful level possible… until you. You no doubt noticed that most of those on Alegria are in the higher IQ bracket?’
Kate nodded.
‘At the risk of sounding fickle, I have a physical type, and you are it. I have an intelligence type, and you are it. You tick all my boxes, Kate. You are the most attractive, intelligent, and intriguing woman I know. That your eyes actually sparkle when I say engineering, and that you can see beauty and art in clever design, is just a huge bonus.’
‘Do you love Natalie?’ The question had just slipped out, but now it was asked, Kate wanted to hear it from him. His smile felt warmly reassuring to her.
‘Not like that. There has never been romantic love or attachment of any kind between Nat and myself, or between me and anyone else you met on Alegria. Do I love her with all my heart, just as I love my mother, Juanita and Maria? Yes! Emphatically and a hundred times over, yes.’
‘What about physically?’
‘Same. Nat trained me. Hers was a role of advisor and trainer.’ Seeing the questions on Kate’s face, he added, ‘Natalie was training another lady and we learned together in the later stages. There was obviously physical intimacy between her and I, but we have talked about Larissa already.’
‘Was she your teacher as well?’
‘No. She was Nat’s trainee, alongside me. She was exploring her submissive kink. We became emotionally involved and the rest you know. Two years, posted overseas, and all over.’
‘Are you always going to answer me so honestly?’
‘Ah, the impossible question. If I say no, I am being defensibly honest. If I say yes, I must be lying. Kate, how about I promise that I will do my utmost to trust you with a hurtful truth before a comforting lie, regardless of our relationship status, or the potential cost of that truth.’
She looked at the city lights, her mind swimming as she began to comprehend the magnitude of what he’d said and how much he had opened himself up to her. After she started to say something several times but faltered, Rick asked her a profound and simple question. ‘Kate, are you ready for me to be talking to you like this?’
Crap! Double damn and crap! The tears started forming despite every part of her ordering them not to. There was the question. Are you ready? Nothing he had told her changed anything. He had a past, but so did she. Finally, she decided not to overthink things, and her answer became clear to her at that moment.
‘Yes. Yes, Rick, I am very ready for you to be talking to me as you are. It is all I have ever wanted. You tick every box I’ve ever thought of.’ Kate paused, a challenging glint in her eye. ‘Now, if you don’t stop being a chivalrous throwback and take me into that bedroom, I am going to start overthinking things again. I-’
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