Chapter Nine: Part Three
She opened her eyes and started laughing. Feeling a small cushion beneath her legs, she grabbed it and threw it at Rick before falling back to the couch, saying, ‘Oh my God! Rick!’
With a broad smile, he said, ‘Kate, pain, when it’s like that, is only a more intense sensation. When built properly, what would be painful at the start can be intensely pleasurable when worked up to. For Dominants, a big part of the kick is controlling a sub’s experience, guiding them into sub-space, and holding them in that state to explore and expand their limits of desire and thought. In a scenario, the sub’s experience becomes the Dominant’s work of art, and the subject of his creative flow. The depth and authenticity of your experience is a real dominant’s masterpiece. Our goal is to defeat your rational mind, holding a space where you are secure enough to bring your authentic and uncensored self out to play.
When you find that depth of subspace, you are in a state of complete acceptance. It is almost like a state of enlightenment where you resist nothing and end up accepting every part of yourself, as you are, without conditions. The exchange of total trust is a big part of the kink. For me, D-s is never about pain. It’s only ever about intensity, passion, exploration, and desire. Fun and pleasure too, of course.’
Kate nodded, thinking about his words for a moment. Then she nodded again, encouraging him to go on.
‘A big part of a submissive’s kink is totally gifting their power to another, surrendering everything in the process so completely that the only thing left behind is purely themselves, nothing more. No ego, no image to maintain, no job, no masks, just themselves… pure. Trust is a huge thing. Actually, it’s the only thing. You have to know that you will never be judged or taken where you don’t want to go.’
‘Were you trying to hypnotise me?’
‘Absolutely not, Kate. Language and syntax are vitally important though. Subspace is a highly suggestible state of mind. Clear, positively worded suggestions that conform to both your desires and your ethical boundaries are easier to accept and follow. It falls, in broad strokes, under Neuro-Linguistic-Programming, or NLP. The intent is to offer an acceptable path of least resistance, helping you to explore a place you desire to be, but free from coercion or manipulation.’
‘Thank you, professor,’ she said with a wink. Laughing, she added, ‘Seriously, thank you. I love the way you put things so clearly.’ He nodded in a seated bow, accepting her praise graciously. Quick as a snake, he threw the cushion back, getting Kate on her bum as she was repositioning herself, and they laughed again.
After freshening up, Kate sat back down opposite Rick, her feet on the edge of the chair and her arms around her knees, and a piece of melon from the table in her hand. ‘What about signing contracts and hard boundaries and being beaten until you’re bruised?’
‘Ah, I think I know where some of those ideas came from.’ Rick smiled patiently. ‘Aside from safe words, most popular literature on the subject is unschooled fantasy mixed with some quite poorly understood or described BDSM concepts. You witnessed the reality of it today. One cannot, legally or morally, consent to actual assault; nor can you legally place yourself into any form of slavery. Such concepts as ‘contracts’ are part of the role-play at best.’
‘What about not being able to have normal sex?’
Rick laughed generously before answering. ‘Not being able to enjoy vanilla sex – or non-role-play sex, which is what vanilla means – describes a pathology. Healthy D-s is just spice and fun. I am just as fulfilled and uplifted kissing, making out, making love or in a deep role-play session. For me, it is always and only ever about being in the moment with complete connection; it’s about sharing mutual desires and intents. Anyone who “can’t do vanilla sex” either has some deep psychological problems, or is not being honest with themselves. Often a mix of both. It’s about understanding the boundaries between perception and desire.’
‘How do you know where the boundaries are?’
‘That’s a Dominant’s skill. Until this morning, what we just talked about would have been well beyond your pre-perceived boundaries, correct?’ Kate nodded. ‘Yet you seemed to find the exercise, as presented, enjoyable and intellectually stimulating.’
Thinking long and hard, and frowning as she felt her face heating up yet again, Kate realised he was right and nodded. ‘A damn sight more than just intellectually stimulating I think.’ They both giggled a little.
‘If it was a one-time thing, then a discussion of general experience, desires, likes and dislikes would be had beforehand, that’s for sure. Lists, bullet points and contracts though? No. Realistically, if you’ve never even come close to experiencing a thing, how could you be expected to have an opinion on a thing?’ Seeing Kate was keeping up, he continued. ‘Okay, let’s start at the start. It is role-play. Delusion – or intoxication, when it comes to that – has no part in safe play. You might play the role of a slave in a scenario, but at no time would either of us believe that you were actually owned property, devoid of rights.
‘We use the word, ‘scenario’ for a role-play session, and it is also a code word for saying something that is not within the scenario’s role-play. If, as a sub, you said, ‘scenario – bathroom break’ it would mean you like what’s happening and want to keep going, but you need to get comfortable first.
‘Safe words are generally the colours of traffic lights. ‘Green’ means keep going, I am into this. ‘Yellow’ is a scenario’s pause button. It halts a scenario without necessarily terminating it. You might just need some time or to stop for a moment and adjust something. If anything is happening that you’re actually uncomfortable with, or need to stop immediately, you say, ‘red’.’
‘Makes sense. So if I said, ‘red’?’
‘Red is a stoplight. The scenario terminates at that moment and my immediate priority is to physically free you, no exceptions. Kate, most of the time when a red call is used, it is nothing to do with the actual play. Say a position is causing a cramp in your back and you can feel it going out, that is when you’d call red.
‘Yellow would have it pause while we discussed what was happening. It could be something as simple as a knot digging in that is distracting you or a bit of skin pinching. It might be that you like where it’s going and don’t want to stop, but just need a little more time or to have things slow down a bit. Play is supposed to be mutually fun and satisfying. When a sub can trust that their Dom will respect their boundaries, magic happens. It is receiving the gift of trust that is part of a good Dominant’s kink.’
Seeing that Kate was keeping up, he continued. ‘That single word, scenario, makes all the difference. In a role-play, you might feel the need to scream it away instead of breathing it in, or feel a need to beg and plead for it to stop, and the scenario keeps going, but just say, “scenario – ouch” and it pulls back immediately without ruining any moods. A status check to follow-up and make sure everything is good, and the scenario continues.’
‘What about the stuff like no looking in the eye and no touching?’
‘Only in a specific scenario or with certain kinks does that become a factor. Some people get off on the total power exchange and subservience thing. I like interaction and play during sessions. Actually, that brings us to the ‘status’ check. ‘Status?’ or ‘scenario – status?’ is my chance to make sure you’re comfortable with what’s happening. I might be introducing a new element, and I would use a status check to ensure you’re okay with it. A status check might be called if I think you are pushing against a personal boundary, but not willing, for whatever reason, to call it yourself. A status check asks you to ask yourself directly where you’re at. It reminds you to not think about what I want for a moment, and acts as a safety valve for any given situation. If we were playing, and I said “status” to you, and you said “green”, I know beyond doubt that you are into what is happening, and we keep going. That is a vital part of our trust, to always be totally honest with each other.’
A sudden, loud growl from Kate’s stomach made then both giggle. Rick said, ‘Lunch, by your command,’ and leapt to his feet, assembling their lunch from a small refrigerator.
Kate took care of water and juice whilst Rick laid out a platter of antipasto and cold meats, fruit, nuts and bread. Standing side-by-side and checking the table, she unconsciously sighed again. They both looked at each other and started giggling until both were helpless with laughter. Kate looked at Rick when the situation became one of those highly charged, first-kiss kind of moments. Feeling a little panic, a thought surfaced and she said to Rick, ‘Yellow, just for now?’
Kate panicked a little when Rick looked surprised. She asked, ‘What’s wrong, Rick? I didn’t mean to say anything that …’ She halted as held his open hands up.
‘Kate, thank you. Nothing at all is wrong. I consider your desire to move thoughtfully an intelligent one, especially given the circumstances that ‘trusting’ left you in recently.’